Subject: In memory of Henny Youngman
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In memory of Henny Youngman, who passed away this month at the age of
* I have all the money I need provided I die by 4 o'clock this
* I miss my wife's cooking -- as often as I can.
* I once wanted to be an atheist, but gave it up. They don't have any
* I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother.
* A guy comes up to me and says, "I haven't eaten in two days." I told
him, 'Force yourself.'
* I didn't sleep well last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my
mother, and I was a bottle baby.
* A guy calls his lawyer. He says, "Can I ask you two questions?" The
lawyer says, "What's the second one?"
* This guy asks his doctor, "Will I be able to play the piano after my
operation?" The doctor says, "Why sure." Guys says, "Funny, I
couldn't play it before."
* I just came back from a pleasure trip -- took my mother-in-law to the
* Two guys in a gym, one putting on a girdle. The other guy says,
"Since when have you been wearing a girdle?" Other guy says, "Since my
wife found it in the glove compartment of my car."
* My doctor said I was fat. I told him that I wanted a second opinion.
He said, "Okay, you're ugly, too."
* I live just four muggings away from Central Park.
* I flew on an airplane; the food was fit for a king. Here, King.
And the one we all miss the most ...
* Take my wife ... please.
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