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Subject: Technical Vernacular

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 To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences
 of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. "I've been dilberted
 again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week."
    Link Rot
 The process by which links on a web page became as obsolete as the sites
 they're connected to change location or die.
 A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet. "I just wasted 30
 minutes downloading this stinkin' crapplet!"
 A new hire who doesn't need any training. "The new guy, John, is great.
 He's totally plug-and-play."
    World Wide Wait
 The real meaning of WWW.
    CGI Joe
 A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills and
 charisma of a plastic action figure.
    Dorito Syndrome
 Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive
 substances that lack nutritional content. "I just spent six hours
 surfing the Web, and now I've got a bad case of Dorito Syndrome."
    Under Mouse Arrest
 Getting busted for violating an online service's rule of conduct. 
 "Sorry I couldn't get back to you. AOL put me under mouse arrest."
 Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open. A popular pastime at
 conferences and early-morning meetings. "Didn't he notice that half the
 room was glazing by the second session?"
 Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web message "404, URL Not
 Found," meaning that the document you've tried to access can't be
 located. "Don't bother asking him...he's 404, man."
    Dead Tree Edition
 The paper version of a publication available in both paper and
 electronic forms, as in: "The dead tree edition of the San Francisco Chronicle..."
 Scanning the net, databases, print media, or research papers looking for
 the mention of your name.
    Graybar Land
 The place you go while you're staring at a computer that's processing
 something very slowly (while you watch the gray bar creep across the
 screen). "I was in graybar land for what seemed like hours, thanks to
 that CAD rendering."
      Open-Collar Workers
 People who work at home or telecommute.
    Squirt The Bird
 To transmit a signal up to a satellite. "Crew and talent are
 ready...what time do we squirt the bird?"
    Cobweb Site
 A World Wide Web Site that hasn't been updated for a long time.  A dead
 web page.
    Keyboard Plaque
 The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards.
 "Are there any other terminals I can use? This one has a bad case of keyboard
    Elvis Year
 The peak year of something's popularity. "Barney the dinosaur's Elvis
 year was 1993."
       Alpha Geek
 The most knowledgable, technically proficient person in an office or
 work group. "Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek around here."
 The rarified organizational layers beginning just above the rack and
 file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly
 inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
 People who are taking training classes just to get a vacation from their
 jobs. "We had about three serious students in the class; the rest were
    Blowing Your Buffer
 Losing one's train of thought. Occurs when the person you are speaking
 with won't let you get a word in edgewise or has just said something so
 astonishing that your train gets derailed. "Damn, I just blew my
     Gray Matter
 Older, experienced business people hired by young entrepreneurial firms
 looking to appear more reputable and established.
 To take note of a person for future reference (a metaphor borrowed from
 web browsers). "I bookmarked him after seeing his cool demo at
 The brief seizure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go off,
 especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical spasms, goofy
 facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence.
      Salmon Day
 The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get
 screwed in the end.

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