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spacer humor > > > accident report

Subject: Accident Report.

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Just think of this when you are experiencing a bad day....

Accident report
This is an accident report that was printed in the newsletter of
the British equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board.  
This is the bricklayer's report . . . a true story.

Dear Sir,
I am writing in response to your request for additional 
information in section 3 of the accident report form. I put 
'Poor planning' as the cause of my accident.  You asked for 
a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be 

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the  accident, I was 
working alone on the roof of a new six-story building.  When 
I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over 
which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in 
excess of 500 lbs.

Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower 
them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the 
side of the building at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung
the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down 
and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent 
of the bricks.

You will note in section 11 of the accident report form that 
my weight is 135lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, 
I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope.

Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the
building.  In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel,
which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive 
speed. This explains the fractured skull; minor abrasions and 
the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3 of the accident 
report form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping,
until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into 
the pulley.

Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind 
and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the 
excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience. At 
approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks 
hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel.

Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed
approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you 
might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the 

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up.
This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and 
severe lacerations of my legs and lower body.  Here my luck 
began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel 
seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell 
into the pile of bricks and, fortunately, only three vertebrae 
were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of 
bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure 
and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there 
watching the empty barrel begin its journey back onto me.

This explains the two broken legs.

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