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spacer humor > > > classified ads

Subject: Classified newspaper ads

----- Begin Included Message -----

(Actual excerpts from classified newspaper ads)

Illiterate? Write today for free help.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. 
Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

Our experienced Mom will care for your child. 
Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. 
Must be willing to travel.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.

3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. 
Experience preferred.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with 
round bottom for efficient beating.

Dinner Special
 -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00

For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick
legs and large drawers.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced 
and get an extra pair to take home too.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. 
We do it carefully by hand.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother 
in beautiful condition.

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. 
Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family 
appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. 
Come here first.

Christmas tag-sale. 
Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not 
smoke or drink.

And now, the Superstore-unequaled in size, 
unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

We will oil your sewing machine and 
adjust tension in your home.

----- End Included Message -----

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